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Toilet Game

by on March 23, 2014
 

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When I was a little girl, I had every gameboy know to man. I also had no friends, but that’s a different story for a different day. We had this ritual in my house at night called “lights out”, which I’m pretty sure is what people in prison have, where once it hit a certain time (generally was 8 or 9 I believe) it was time to turn out the lights and go to sleep. But see, I had insomnia as a kid, among other things, and I couldn’t sleep. And I don’t know if you know this or not, but laying in bed for 10 years or so isn’t too exciting unless you’re having awesome sex or watching a Jackass marathon. I’m fine with either, honestly. So I did what any smart kid did, I took my gameboy and waited a half hour or so, then got up and went to the bathroom on the guise that I had to actually use it, and would stay in there for a good half hour or more just playing gameboy on the toilet. I think every kid had what I’ve coined a “toilet game”. For the majority of my youth, mine was Pokemon.

But see, I got greedy. I took my toilet gaming to the next level.

One day, while my parents weren’t home, I went into the bathroom and had armfuls of snacks, games and soda cans. I opened what had been designated “my drawer” (my parents never used this bathroom, they had one in their bedroom, so logically it made sense they’d never open the drawers) and began to carefully tetris my belongings into the drawer like some sort of bathroom jenga. I made it all neat and nice and organized. Snacks in the front, sodas in the back, all laid out correctly and my games in their cases all along the side so I could pick whatever I wanted at any time. I had become an official bathroom master. I would spend so long in there, snacking and having sodas when I shouldn’t have and playing games out my butt (haha bathroom humor). But alas, my victory was short lived, for one fateful afternoon my mother decided to clean the bathroom on a whim and discovered my secret trove of goodies. When questioned what it was and why I’d done it, I just said, “I like playing gameboy”. I was an 11 year old girl, what other excuses could I have come up with that wouldn’t have gotten me grounded for weeks? I actually didn’t get in trouble much to my mothers kindness, but I certainly felt stupid for the whole thing.

So, are there any other gamers out there who also had toilet games in their youth? Or now? And if so, what games were they? I’m not all that different from when I was a little girl to now. I still have no friends and I still play Pokemon in the bathroom.

I really need to go sit in a corner now and think about what I’ve done with my life. I get paid to write about playing gameboy on the toilet. While that’s pretty awesome, I wish I’d gone to college.

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