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On Video Game Fanfiction

by on January 22, 2014
 

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For some reason, Sonic The Hedgehog is a goldmine for video game fanfiction.

Mind you, I’ve never read any (and had I, I sure as hell wouldn’t have admitted it online to a large community of readers), but it seems that some video games-those with expanded universes and characters like Sonic or Mario-lend themselves to the fanfiction universe more so than others. Fanfiction is creepy enough as it is, but there’s some that would be absolutely hilarious. Take, for example, Forza fanfiction.

The red Subaru lay on the bed as the yellow Porsche rolled into the room, and blushed, embarrassed that he’d rolled in on the Subaru.

“P-please, forgive me,” he said, his engine idling quietly as he waited to take his retreat from the room, but the Subaru merely reved his own engine. Laying on the bed in a skimpy nightie with a tire behind it’s hood, the Porsche knew where this was headed.

“Come over here big boy and touch my stick,” he whispered.

Absolutely hilarious. Gay car sex. I actually read some Minecraft fanfiction once where Steve found himself stuck in a cavern and his tools had all broken. With no way out, he came into contact with a Zombie and-in his lonely desperate moment of weakness-he raped it. He RAPED it. Think about that for a moment. That’s disgusting. Gay car sex? Awesome. Zombie rape? Horrible. Just depends on the context I suppose. Nobody deserves rape, not even the dead.

That’s the creepiest damn thing I’ve EVER written.

Moving on. I don’t understand fanfiction to begin with. First off, who wants to get off to characters, and sometimes characters from different universes, they are so familiar with screwing one another? Secondly, who READS porn at this point? I mean, it’s classy, I respect that, but still. Maybe I’m just the only one against the idea of using characters you didn’t create for something-especially sexual stuff-but that could just be me. Either way, video game fanfiction is the weirdest to me because at least when fanfiction writers use television shows as is the norm, these are characters whos personalities are filled out through arcs of seasons of character development. Makes sense they could be used. But nobody knows ANYTHING about Mario do they? I mean, what is his personality? How does he feel about the political issues in Syria? Does he like white or dark chocolate? What was his relationship with his parents like? We don’t know because you can’t develop a character-especially one in platformers like Mario-to have a real distinct personality with likes and dislikes.

MK2011_splash--article_imageSome video games can get away with it though, stuff like Street Fighter especially, because we have backstories to the characters, or Sonic because of the outside source material like comics and whatnot. But imagine Mortal Kombat fanfiction:

Sub Zero stood, angry at Scorpion, who was standing before him with pride glowing from his entire person. All Sub Zero wanted to do was punch him, but he knew he couldn’t…he sighed.

“I want to kill you, I do, but…my heart was ice and since meeting you…you set it aflame,” Sub Zero said quietly, “I know it’s wrong but I can’t stop myself and-”

Scorpion flung his spear out of his hand and wrapped it around Sub Zero, pulling him close to him, and holding his shoulders. Scorpion leaned in and whispered, “Get over here” and kissed him passionately.

Why is everything I write between two gay men? I’m a lesbian… Shit, maybe I should quit my job and write video game fanfiction from now on. There has to be a way to get paid for that right? So um. This is kind of the weirdest article I’ve ever written. Yeah.

I’m so so sorry.

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