I don’t care if the professor is wrong, I love Professor Oak. Screw off.
A while ago, I wrote an article about a documentary I’d watched about the game Second Life, and how it helped me realize I was supposed to have been born a woman. Earlier today, I was reading through a male to female transgender confessions blog and came across this one.
And I realized that it wasn’t Second Life that started it; it was Second Life that cemented it. Pokemon Crystal was the first thing to ever help me realize that I was really a girl inside. When Pokemon first came out, you only could play as the generic male trainer, which was fine, I just played it and whatever. However, by the time Crystal came along, they made the change to allow a FEMALE character and this fascinated me to no end for some reason. Now at the time, perhaps it was the first game ever I’d really played (outside stuff like Mortal Kombat, but I mean in depth game) that allowed you to choose your characters gender that attracted me to it just out of curiosity, but looking back now it makes SO much sense WHY I was so enthralled with that aspect.
I admit, I do feel a little silly realizing that fucking Pokemon helped me realize I’m a transgender girl, but whatever.
But after that, I found I played the female role in every game I ever could. Soul Caliber, Tomb Raider and a friend of mine even bought and paid for my first year of WoW and I made every. single. character. female. I felt more comfortable as that, and it was ok to me. It was normal. Plus, I soon found other people and friends who did the same thing. However, I know realize the big difference was they did it for the novelty, whereas I did it for the fact that I’m really a woman. You know, I often use this site as a place to bitch and moan and complain; to whine about the death of a hobby I’d loved as a kid, and to wonder why I don’t enjoy it as much anymore. Some days I turn on my consoles and I just have NO motivation to play a single thing and I ask myself, “Why? Why do you own these and why do you play them if you really aren’t that into it anymore?” and I think the reason is because of what it did for me. I cannot let gaming go-despite all it’s inherent flaws and problems these days-because of what it helped me realize and come to terms with. I almost honestly owe it my life.
I came to realize who I am because I was confronted with one question on my Gameboy Color years and years ago.
And I guess it’s because of what gaming did for me that I can’t fully abandon it, even with the problems I have with it now. Because at an age where I needed answers and to discover who I was for myself, parents, therapists and friends only gave me ultimatums and made my decisions FOR me; Pokemon Crystal gave me what I needed. The option to choose for myself. And from the research I have done for this post, there seems to be others who feel this way about this game. In fact I came across an entire reddit thread about this fact. The game asks YOU. It asks the only person who should be able to make the decision. What are you. A boy, or a girl?
And I am a girl, god dammit.
I don’t care what anyone else says.
So thanks, Pokemon, Nintendo and gaming. I really owe you more than I could’ve thought.
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