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access_time May 8, 2012 at 11:04 AM in Culture by John De Large

Xbox Fever (May 8)

Chris and JDL team up once again for that special news report you all know and love, Xbox Fever! It’s time for Fever!

There’s Something You Don’t Know About Me, Joe Rogan….

I hide cocaine in my Xbox!: Kotaku

JDL: Somewhere in LA, Carlos Valenzuela (that’d make an awesome stage name!) had been pulled over for turning at an intersection with out signaling first.

Chris: I do that ALL the time!

JDL: Unsurprising. Anyway, Mr. Valenzuela didn’t get the memo about playing it cool when you get pulled over by the police. Just be nice, be helpful and don’t be stupid. Mr. Valenzuela didn’t obey any of these rules and decided to go with Operation: Look & Act As Suspicious As Possible. After continuing to look at a bag he’d brought with him, police searched the car and ultimately the bag, which contained “one brick-like bundle wrapped in brown tape,” and an Xbox 360, because nothing goes together better than Gears of War and some rocks.

Police called in K-9 units, who detected something suspicious about the 360, so they opened it up and found — two more bricks of cocaine stashed inside, bringing Mr. Valenzuela’s high score to 1.8kg of cocaine, which unlocks the special criminal charge known as “manufacture or delivery of a controlled substance.”

Chris: Personally, he should’ve stuffed his coke in a PS3. Cops would’ve just assumed he was embarrassed to have one in his car and let him go.

Kretovic Sentenced To Six Months In Prison

Reach for your ankles and pray, baby!: Kotaku, again!

JDL: In an update from last week, Richard Kretovic, that scumbag from last week who uses his Xbox 360 to molest kids, was arrested for — well, doing just that — and sentenced to six months in prison on top of that, he and all other registered sex offenders will be permanently banned from Xbox Live, PSN and other online gaming services.

This is all part of “Operation Game Over,” the brainchild of the NY attorney general Eric Schneiderman. Schniederman teamed up with Microsoft, Sony, Apple, Blizzard Entertainment, Electronic Arts, Warner Bros. and Disney Interactive to terminate the accounts of more than 3,500 registered sex offenders.

Chris: Damn! Now that’s thorough!

JDL: This is the first time New York State’s sex offender registration laws had been applied to video games. If you ask me, this is a really good idea.

Chris: If you ask me, they should’ve branded this asshole’s gamertag into his forehead.

$99 Xbox 360 Doesn’t Just Cost $99

Less bang for your buck:Washington Post

JDL: Microsoft is going to launch a very special Xbox 360 bundle featuring a 4GB console with a Kinect sensor for just $99 — down and $15 a month. Customers will have to make this purchase at Microsoft stores and sign a contract which also entitles them to a two-year warranty and a two-year Xbox LIVE subscription. An early termination fee applies to those wishing to break the contract early.

Chris: So let’s do some math, Johnny Boy.

JDL: I can’t math Chris, sorry.

Chris: I’ll do it for you. 99 + (15 x 24) is 459, or the price of the $99 down Xbox 360 right?

JDL: If you say so.

Chris: And the I-can-have-everything-now-and-seperately-price of just buying an Xbox 360 with Kinect and a two year Xbox Live subscription is… about $420.

JDL: So you’re paying an extra $60 for not having the money up front? Sounds like anything but economical.

Chris: Don’t worry, it’ll make them lots of money.

Xbox 720/Durango Being Manufactured In Texas?

Only steers and queers come from Texas: Mobile & Apps

JDL: The future of Microsoft, the Xbox 720/Xbox Durango is supposedly being manufactured in a Texas factory of Flextronics and could be released by 2013. Flextronics have already handled the assembly the Xbox and the 360. Additionally, IGN claims that Microsoft has created a test group to test the new Xbox. These 720s/Durangos that are in development will be kits that game manufacturers will be using, so that they can know more about the console and hardware they’ll be working with in the future. Right now, it’s looking like there’ll be over a dozen games available at the time Durango launches.

Chris: However, Microsoft had this to say:

“Xbox 360 has found new ways to extend its lifecycle like introducing the world to controller-free experiences with Kinect and re-inventing the console with a new dashboard and new entertainment content partnerships. We are always thinking about what is next for our platform and how to continue to defy the lifecycle convention. Beyond that we do not comment on rumors or speculation,” said Microsoft, declining the rumors about its new Xbox.

Microsoft was already “Psh, nah,” in regards to a 2012 release, but these juicy rumors about a holiday 2013 release still persist and now, THIS information seems to make things even more believable, baby.

That’s it for this week. Chris is booking a flight to Texas for some reason and JDL is going back to sleep. Until next week, be good.


  • Ramon Aranda May 8, 2012 at 12:35 PM

    I am NOT feeling that $99 Xbox 360 bundle. To me, it’s absurd.

  • unlimitedlives May 8, 2012 at 7:49 PM

    It’s actually more reasonable than a cellphone contract where you’re paying for the cellphone and the service in those two years that they have you in.

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