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access_time December 19, 2011 at 10:37 AM in Features by Andrew Kent

Burning Embers: The Top 10 Grinches of Video Games

It’s a Christmas special here on Burning Embers! I take a look at who I think are the most grouchiest and grinchiest characters in video games. They have to be foul, untouchable with a 39 1/2 foot pole, and must be best described by the words “Stink, Stank, Stunk”. So here they are guys!

#10 The Joker (Arkham Asylum/City)

While he may be more jolly than St. Nick himself, the Joker is not someone I’d like to trifle with. He’s mean, nasty, and downright dirty all the time. He even poisoned Batman in Arkham City just to make him do all the dirty work! However, he doesn’t have an agenda a lot of the time. He tends to just want to see the world squirm and burn around his throne. The Grinch my friends, had a plan. He wanted to ruin Christmas for his own selfish needs. Our number nine also has some selfish desires of his own.

#9 Bowser

He’s the King of all the Koopas and one nasty tyrant. Bowser comes in at number nine on this top ten Grinches of video games list. Bowser is selfish, self absorbed, and really wants to get into Princess Peach’s pants. However, he’s always foiled by Mario and Luigi. He does have a son that he cares about too, wherever he came from….so at the number nine spot he stays. Simply because he has an inkling of kindness in his heart.

#8 Xemnas

Xemnas is a nobody, literally. He feels nothing and, like a honey badger, he doesn’t give a s*#^. He uses Sora and even his own minions to make his own plans come to fruition. He wants more rage but he also wants more hearts as well. This guy just doesn’t cut it to be better than number eight. He’s got too much passion for gaining emotion. That’s where number seven has him beat.

#7 Professor Hojo

This guy is just terrible. Professor Hojo injected his own son with Genova DNA just for an experiment! How cruel can you get man? It’s no wonder Sephiroth went on a rampage and decided to kill everyone. Sheesh. He has such a sadistic personality and thinks of everyone as test subjects. That almost makes me not want to touch him with a ten foot pole. He’s also sitting here pretty at number seven because he did have a wife, Lucrecia. To love and lost is better than to not have loved at all.

#6 Gruntilda

This lady here is nasty, and probably a bit gassy. Gruntilda is her name and becoming gorgeous is her game. She leaves behind traps and mosters galore. When you get a game over in Banjo 1 she looks like a whore. Although she’s not that great a villain. Her weight probably equals a billion. Nuff said about Grunty, that old witch. Let’s move on to some other b#*!$.

#5 Jihl Nabaat

Oh good grief I HATED this woman. Her character was so slimey and detestable. She used Sazh’s own son just to find Sazh and any other L’cie. She’s almost as bad as Dolores Umbridge, if not worse. However, what I have coming up on  my list makes her look like a kitten in comparison.

#4 Al Mualim

Number five is one greedy mofo. Al Mualim sought to keep the Piece of Eden’s power all to himself and to make all of the world non-violent while taking away their free will. He used Altair for his own purposes, although he did try to take over Altair with the Piece of Eden but failed. Such greed he has and so much lust for power. In the end though, he was doing it all for the greater good, albeit in a sinister way.


Well here we are again, it’s always such a pleasure. Remember when I tried to steal your gifts? Wouldn’t GLaDOS make a good grinch? “You’re so fat, you don’t deserve any gifts. Here let me give you this Aperture Science suicide device to help ease your pain”. She would so do something like that. The only thing stopping her from being a bonafide Grinch is Caroline. Sad face!

#2 Frank Fontaine

This guy almost has me singing “You’re a mean one, Mr. Fontaine”. He’s is the lowest of the low and the king of scum in Rapture. You’re made to feel for his alter ego, Atlas. You’re made to think that he has a wife and kid who he loves very much. Family that was supposedly taken away from him by the big bad Andrew Ryan and his splicers. In the end he was just a crook who was overrun by the drug he marketed to the masses.

#1 The Creeper

Yessss, that’s a very nice top ten list you have there. It would be a ssssshame if ssssomething were to happen to it. This guy is the terror that haunts your Minecraft manifested dreams at night. He lurks in the shadows waiting for the opportune moment to ruin your day. He could possibly ruin Christmas too if he wanted too. He’s green as well, like the Grinch. I can’t count how many times a creeper has blown me up. The Creeper is one nasty mob and will not hesitate to f!#* up your Minecraft life. This is why the Creeper sits at the high and mighty number one spot of my Top Ten Grinches of Video Games list. Congrats Creeper, now stop blowing my stuff up!


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