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GotGame Truth Machine: Nintendo Execs Respond To PS4

by on March 11, 2013
 

teamNintendoArrival

Top Nintendo Executives Respond To Sony PS4 Specifications

After several months of rumors and speculation Sony has announced the PS4, and Nintendo will finally have a direct rival in the next generation battlefield. With the Wii U still struggling to find its place in the world of gaming, the PS4 certainly presents a challenge. Nintendo has usually been very reluctant to talk about tech specs, but after doing some uhhhhh… things… (I’ll never be able to look at myself in the mirror again), I was able to obtain a round table interview with Nintendo President Satoru Iwata, legendary game designer Shigeru Miyamoto, Nintendo of America President Reggie Fils-Aime, and Scott Moffitt, vice president of sales and marketing . What did they have to say about the Wii U present, future, and Sony’s incoming console? Find out by reading my exclusive interview!

Justin: So I would like to thank all of you gentleman for taking time out of your busy schedule. I know you guys are really busy promoting the Wii U right now…

Scott Moffitt: We’re busy doing what now?

Reggie Fils Aime: Shoot! I knew there was something we forgot.

Shigeru Miyamoto: * Playing with a mini rock garden.* Hmmmmm…

Satoru Iwata: Don’t worry guys. We’ve got plenty of Luigi games on the way.

——-

Justin: Right… How would you guys describe the current sales of the Wii U?

Saturo Iwata: Currently the Wii U is performing slightly below our expectations.

Reggie Fils Aime: Very slightly below our expectations.

Scott Moffitt: Very very slightly below our expectations.

Shigeru Miyamoto: * Closely studying a paddle ball. * Hmmmmm…

——-

Justin: Software support has been slow for the Wii U thus far, and gamers are eagerly awaiting news on new games. Can you guys give me any updates on upcoming software for the Wii U?

Saturo Iwata: We are very very sorry for the long wait. We ask you to please be patient and we will have news on games soon.

Scott Moffitt: Very soon.
Reggie Fils Aime: Nintendo is dedicated to bringing gamers the most compelling and original content available on any platform.

Shigeru Miyamoto: * Repeatedly folds and unfolds his folding chair. * Hmmm… I think I have a new game idea.

Pikmin-3

Justin: Well a lot of the launch window games have been pushed back.  I was really looking forward to Pikmin 3.  Mr. Miyamoto, is there any chance we’ll be able to play that in the near future?

Shigeru Miyamoto: *Is swinging a wooden sword around.*

Justin:  Uhhhh… Mr. Moffitt is there any chance we’ll be playing Pikmin 3 in the near future?

Scott Moffitt: Hey, anything could happen, you know?

Justin: *sigh * Alright. Some people have been concerned that the Wii U is not as powerful as even the X-Box 360 and PS3. Reggie, do you have any comments regarding this?

Reggie: Nintendo is dedicated to providing hardcore games the best console experience for hit blockbuster game. If you look at multiplatform versions of hit games like Call of Duty: Black Ops II you’ll see that the Wii U offers a superior experience to our rivals.

Justin: Actually Digital Foundry did a comparison of the different versions of the game and…

Reggie:

Reggie glare

Justin: * Gulp * I mean… uhhhhh… yes sir! Call of Duty Black Ops II runs better on the Wii U than the 360 and PS3.

Reggie:

tumblr_m55j17PLTI1qh2fy2o1_1338911934_cover.png

And..?

Justin: Eep! And I ummmm… Refuse to play Assassin’s Creed with anything but the Wii U Game Pad!!!

Reggie:

reggie11

AND?!

Justin: And… uhhh… Mass Effect 3: Special Edition is the definitive Mass Effect experience  >_<.

Reggie:

Reggie 3

Good boy…

Justin: * Whew * Okay. Sony announced the PS4 recently, and many people are impressed by its specifications. The PS4 has many impressive qualities, including 8 GB of GDDR5 RAM. The Wii U only has 2 GB of DDR3 RAM. Do you think this will pose a problem to developers?

Reggie Fils-Aime: Oh yeah. More powerful hardware. That’s worked out real great for them in the past. I have a riddle for you. Whats big and red and comes around once a year?

Scott Moffitt: Santa?

Reggie Fils-Aime: No, Sony’s financial reports

*Scott and Reggie high five. *

Saturo Iwata: 8 GB of RAM? That’s nice. How many Marios can it display? (laughs)

Shigeru Miyamoto: * Plays with Rubik’s cube and mumbles something about Zelda. *

——-

Justin: All I’m saying is that the PS4 looks to be technically superior to the Wii U. Do you see this problem when trying to attract third party support?

Scott Moffitt: Third…

Reggie Fils-Aime: Party…

Saturo Iwata: Support..?

*The three shrug in unison as Miyamoto hovers slightly above the table suspended by balloons.*

deep-down-PS4-1024x576

Will Games Like Deep Down Arrive On The Wii U Platform?

Justin: Ugh. Well, what are your thoughts on the design of the Dual Shock 4 which sports a touch pad on the controller?

Saturo Iwata: A two inch touch pad on the controller? I can only imagine the new possibilities in gameplay such a device will open up. (laughs)

Reggie Fils-Aime: This is undoubtedly the most innovative new idea in game controllers since the Six Axis controller.

Scott Moffitt: Who needs an actual screen with all of that pesky second image and utility?

Shigeru Miyamoto: * Is playing with a train set on the table making choo-choo sounds. *

 

Justin: Well speaking of the second screen experience, Sony has shown how the Vita can be used to do some similar things to the Wii U such as remote play. Are you afraid that the Vita will be able to steal some of the Wii U’s thunder?

Saturo Iwata: We think Sony has created a very attractive second screen solution… for people looking for a sub-par experience that have $250 burning a whole through their pocket. (laughs)

Reggie Fils-Aime: We are very concerned that Sony will be able to cut into Nintendo’s market. Just like they did with the Move. *smirks *

Scott Moffitt: What’s a Move?

Reggie Fils-Aime: What’s a Vita?

*Reggie and Scott laugh and high five. Meanwhile, Miyamoto is sitting cross legged on the floor in a Mario hat, surrounded by koala bears. *

——-

Justin: Do you guys have any concerns about the more powerful Playstation 4 arriving as the Wii U is struggling to gain traction?

Reggie Fils Aime: Heh… nope… of course not. * Eyes dart around nervously. *

Scott Moffitt: The Wii U is only selling slightly below expectations so we’re not concerned… only slightly below expectations… only slightly below expectations…

Saturo Iwata: We think that the Wii U will be able to build momentum once it has major software released.  That software is coming soon.  We promise.

Shigeru Miyamoto: * Is standing on top of his chair on one foot, and is balancing an open umbrella on his nose. *

——-

Justin: I wanted to focus on the Wii U, but for my last question, I’d like to discuss the 3DS for a moment. While the 3DS has been doing very well in Japan, it has not been performing as strongly in the Western market. How do you plan on gaining a stronger market presence in the US?

Reggie Fils-Aime: Mario Golf?

Scott Moffitt: Mario and Luigi?

Saturo Iwata: Your fat little American children love Mario right?

Shigeru Miyamoto: * Is singing David Bowie’s “Star Man” into a hair brush. *

——-

Justin: Well I uhhh. Thank you for your uhhhhhh… valuable insight. I uhhhhh… * sigh *  This has been… Uhhhhh… really… informative… and interesting… thanks for your time.

——-

About the Author:   Justin is a huge Nintendo fan who can’t wait to play Lugi’s Mansion 2 and Lego City Undercover, but he’s not above poking fun at the Big N and Sony from time to time, and he loves trying out different article ideas. He hopes you enjoyed this off beat article.  He’s pretty sure it’s either the best or worst thing he’s ever written.  If you want to either give him props for a job well done, or condemn him to hell for violating the sanctity of the internet, he can be reached via Twitter @GotGameJustin

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  • Avatar of Ramon Aranda
    March 11, 2013 at 1:42 AM

    LOL, f’n hilarious. Well played Justin!

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  • minimur12
    March 11, 2013 at 4:52 AM

    sorry is this interview fake ?

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  • March 11, 2013 at 5:44 AM

    Funny, it made my morning more bearable

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  • shortpiped
    March 11, 2013 at 7:40 AM

    I read through this whole thing soley to see what shenanigans shiggy would be up to next XD

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  • routerbad
    March 11, 2013 at 12:50 PM

    Dude, you nailed Miyamoto, lol. I wouldn’t ever reference digital foundry for anything ever, the negative articles they push on the Wii U are biased and they have issues with posting before they have any information, and frequently forget to give credit to sources.

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    • Avatar of Justin Weinblatt
      March 11, 2013 at 12:58 PM

      I just have an image of Miyamoto with a really childlike sense of wonder and a short attention span. Digital Foundry is good for some things and no so good for others. Their comparisons are generally good for instance, but their article on the PS4 specs (based on an image provided by chipworks) confused conjecture with facts. Since this wasn’t a serious article though, it was fine mentioning them.

      Glad you enjoyed it, and not to be annoying, please consider (along with anyone else who enjoyed this) following me on twitter. I’d be super grateful ^_^

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  • Lenny
    March 11, 2013 at 3:26 PM

    Nintards gonna Nintard.

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  • cleft5
    March 11, 2013 at 4:10 PM

    To funny man, you are hilarious.

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  • MGV
    March 11, 2013 at 9:04 PM

    Great comments everyone, you all get a thumbs up!

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  • March 11, 2013 at 9:22 PM

    is this real or fake?
    if it’s fake, GTFO trash website.
    wasting our bloody time.

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  • ssss12345
    March 11, 2013 at 10:47 PM

    Obviously fake but I just wanted to throw out that remote play was on psp way before wii u existed lol. Can agree on most other things although the touchpad will probably be for OS/internet browsing and not for gameplay so much.

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  • Black Adam
    March 12, 2013 at 1:15 AM

    I can’t wait for November to get here!

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  • Avatar of RRPG
    March 12, 2013 at 5:17 AM

    100% Real? Yeah right. Not everyone has a chance to talk to those guys in a roundtable situation to talk trash about them. You seriously need to grow up and realize that Sony will face the same situation if they don’t play their cards right. You want proof that Nintendo is doing just fine? Take a look at this.
    http://playeressence.com/microsoft-and-sony-are-closer-to-going-third-party-than-nintendo-lets-get-the-facts-straight/

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    • Avatar of Ramon Aranda
      March 12, 2013 at 7:59 AM

      It’s satire!

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      • Avatar of RRPG
        March 12, 2013 at 11:11 AM

        Satire? That is just leaving bait for more trolls to slam Nintendo when it has already been done numerous times. From just flat out disrespect to something like this, it is only adding more fuel to the fire.

        You don’t have to take my words to heart, but I’m just getting very sick of the doomsayers that run around on the net thinking that Nintendo is doomed with whatever new piece of hardware or game comes out; even if it is meant to be a joke or not. I’m at this point where doing something like this is not a laughing matter, anymore.

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    • Avatar of Justin Weinblatt
      March 12, 2013 at 8:34 AM

      You figured out its not real? Good work Nancy Drew. I’m really not sure how I could have made that more clear. I really didn’t think I’d need a disclaimer for an article that featured Reggie staring me down through random E3 jpgs, Miyamoto floating around with balloons, and Iwata talking about fat little American children. I deliberately went as overboard as possible so that there wasn’t a chance people would think this was real. I didn’t want there to be any chance that people walked away from this article thinking “Oh wow Reggie really said that?”

      If you read the article, and you have basic reading comprehension skills, you’d see that it mocks Sony as much as it does Nintendo. Furthermore, if you looked through my writing history, you’d see tons of articles about my love for Nintendo, how cool I think the Wii U is and so on. That doesn’t mean I can’t poke fun at Nintendo. This wasn’t my attempt at a serious look at the gaming industry, or Nintendo’s success. I could understand if people didn’t like it, cause humor is really really hard to do appropriately over through text where you have no way to get a feel for an audience’s reaction. But responding to it seriously? Lol.

      As someone who also does op-ed stuff over the internet, I’d think you’d have the courtesy to disagree without telling writers that they “seriously need to grow up”. If I disagreed with one of your youtube videos, you can be damn sure that I’d do it without being a disrespectful twit.

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      • Avatar of RRPG
        March 12, 2013 at 11:15 AM

        I don’t mean to be brash about your post, but the whole thing with the doomsayers of Nintendo whether if they are troll posts or jokes that hint at doom & gloom is just not that funny, at all. It’s done to death to where it gets on anyone’s nerves. That’s just how fed up I am, but just take it with a grain of salt. I respect that you really like Nintendo as much as I do, but that is just how I feel about the situation. It’s like either being a doomsayer or a sensationalist towards Nintendo is becoming somewhat taboo on the internet that it isn’t funny, anymore.

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        • Avatar of ubernaut
          March 12, 2013 at 12:00 PM

          i can’t believe you didn’t chuckle at least once reading this.

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          • Avatar of RRPG
            March 12, 2013 at 12:39 PM

            Sorry, dude. Ever since I’ve been hearing these rants and stuff from idiots like Michael Pachter, it’s going overboard to where it isn’t laughable. Usually, you would put disclaimers at the top or at the beginning of the blog to prevent those who like or are fans of Nintendo would get themselves in a really pissed off manner. If he said something like that at first, then I would have given this article the benefit of the doubt and probably would have had a good read. I’m just saying from personal preference so that the initial impression doesn’t make the article seem like that of another one of those doom-and-gloom posts. Just saying.

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          • Avatar of ubernaut
            March 12, 2013 at 1:53 PM

            Well it seemed pretty obvious to me that this was humor before i ever read it (if not by the second sentence) and depending our your point of view (such as my own) it could also be seen as a tongue in cheek commentary hoping to put a light on the fact that the nintendo exec heads have their heads in the sand about their collective future, all a matter of perspective i suppose.

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          • Avatar of Justin Weinblatt
            March 12, 2013 at 7:27 PM

            @ Ubernaut: I wouldn’t say it’s about Nintendo in particular putting their heads in the sand, but more about executives in general. Generally when a product is doing poorly executives will do everything in their power to deny it for as long as possible.

            @RRPG: Lol. No, I didn’t need a disclaimer to “prevent those who like or are fans of Nintendo would get themselves in a really pissed off manner.” Because you used the magic words there yourself when you said “get themselves”. If you take the performance of the Wii U so seriously that you’re anywhere close to “pissed off” you have to step back and reevaluate a few things. I’m not going to label articles with a big “THIS SAYS MEAN THINGS ABOUT NINTENDO” sticker to make sure Nintendo fans don’t get their feelings hurt. The article’s silliness was enough that it shouldn’t have been taken seriously by anyone. If you’re that devoted to Nintendo that you can’t crack a smile at their foibles, then that’s your problem I guess.

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  • March 12, 2013 at 8:09 AM

    This article is fanfuckingtastic. I love all the consoles so I’m not some ignorant fanboy. If any of you viewers get all booty-hurt about this FAKE INTERVIEW then just go jump off a building thats 3 stories high just so you have a chance at living but most likely will become retarded or handicapped. It’s a damn funny article and if you can’t find the joy in it then you really live a sad life. Good job, Justin (my name is spelled way cooler, btw.)

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  • Avatar of Todd Vote
    March 18, 2013 at 1:59 PM

    I enjoyed the hell out of this satirical roasting of the Big N. Until I got to the comments section… smh…

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